ZOMFG WHAT HAVE I DONE TO FINDOR'S HAIR!
by XxNarutoFreak4LifexX
Summary: Nikoto is a very mischievous arrancar. She's a prankster and her pranks always turn out well but she makes a big mistake when she tries to get back at Avirama -better than it sounds Oh and for the sake of this fic, Findor doesnt have his full mask on-


**[A/N: My very first attempt at comedy, bear with me. I don't even know if it's funny =/ Let me know what you think, please.]**

**Disclaimer: I do not own bleach, if I did I'd rape Tesla.**

"Ack! Fucking ladder, fucking bucket!" I muttered stretching my tiny arms as far as they could go. I hated being so short!

"Stupid Nova!" I cursed my fraccion for not finding a taller ladder, and for not being here to help me.

I told him I needed his help but NOOOOOO!!! He was too busy kissing up to his emo brother.

Fuck Nova, Fuck Ulquiorra… AND FUCK THE EFFIN BUCKET!!!

I let out a squeal of frustration before I felt a sudden presence in the hallway.

"Hey Nikoto-chan!" I voice chimed right besides me.

"Gyaaaahh!!!" I almost dropped the bucket and fell off the ladder. I caught the liquid-filled cylinder and steadied myself in time. I then turned to see who had startled me.

"Ggio… DON'T DO THAT!!!" I panted as I met the grin on tiger-boy's face.

"Sorry… What are you doing?" he asked nonchalantly eyeing my bucket.

I sighed and climbed back up to the tallest step of the ladder.

"I'm getting back at Avirama…" I mumbled stretching my arms over my head again.

"For?" Ggio pressed.

I sighed "Many things… Many, many things." I hissed.

"Oh, that explains _everything_." Ggio stated sarcastically.

I ignored him but then got a brilliant idea. "Ggio-kun, your arms are longer than mine, could you help me put this bucket on the door?" I asked putting on my infamous puppy stare.

"Uh, sure."

HAHA! No one could resist the puppy stare of doom! BWHAHAHAHA!!!

I got down from the ladder and gave him the bucket. Ggio took it but remained staring at it's contents.

"What?" I asked.

Ggio kept looking at the bubbling, crimson liquid.

"What the _hell_ is this?" He accused in disgust.

"Oh, just some mojo-mix I made with a few of Szayel-chan's chemicals." I replied. Ggio's eyes widened. "W-what?! B-but, Nikoto-chan! Aren't Szayel Aporro-sama's chemicals kind of dangerous?" The boy freaked.

"Chilax, these are totally harmless." I assured.

Indeed the all chemicals I added were harmless, I didn't want any accidents. They were just really smelly… and hot.

"It's _boiling_." Ggio stated.

"Yea, yea whatever just put it up there before someone comes!" I ushered.

The younger arrancar climbed up the ladder and swiftly put the bucket on top of the barely-opened door. He climbed back down and pulled the ladder away before I wrapped my arms around him.

"Thank you, thank you!" I cheered in a childish manner as I gave him one of my famous happy-hugs.

"C'mon, let's go put this thing in a broom closet or something." I said grabbing Ggio's sleeve and pulling him and the ladder down the hall.

We got to a random broom closet and I threw the ladder in. We were walking back now, having a casual conversation, when out of the blue Ggio brought up a random question.

"Hey Niko-chan, what if someone other than Avirama opens the door while were not there?" he asked.

"Oh _please_, Like someone's gonna-"

"**GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"**

We both froze.

"You were saying?" Ggio pressed with a hint of sarcasm before we sprinted back to our prank's scenery.

What we found was horrifying. In front of us stood Ggio's blond comrade, Findor Carias, literally steaming, and drenched in whatever the hell I had poured into that bucket. His long blond locks were covered in the icky, crimson substance.

"What the _**hell**_ is _this?!_" he yelled still frozen in place.

Ggio was a cold statue, I was the one to react.

"Oh my GOD!!! I am SO sorry!" I yelled running to him and trying to wipe him off.

I ran my hands through his long hair trying my best to wipe off the goop and failing miserably.

"I'm so so so so so so SORRY!!!" I apologized again and again.

Still the blond didn't give any sort of response, my guess was that he was in shock.

Finally when I was almost finished, he reached one hand to his head.

"My-my hair…" he stuttered.

"Huh?"

"MY HAIR!!!" he freaked.

"It's ok, it's ok, it's ok! Uh, I'll wash it out and treat your burns! Don't worry, Findor-kun!" I tried to comfort him, taking his shoulders and leading his stiff body towards my quarters.

His eyes were wide and his expression was that out of a horror movie.

We were half way across the hall when I realized someone was missing.

"Ggio!"

"Hai!!!"

* * *

"Oh god, oh man, oh god, oh man, oh god, oh man, oh god, oh man!!!" I freaked scrubbing as hard as I could.

Findor sat in a tub in front of me hugging his knees to his bare chest with a horrified look on his face. The tub's water had turned red due to the gooey substance and so had my blond friend's hair.

"Ggio!!!" I called.

"What?!"

"Get the fuck in here!!!!"

A few seconds later my accomplice stumbled into the room.

"Did you get it off?!" He practically screamed in my ear which made me cringe.

"Does it look like it's coming off, dumbass?!" I asked holding up a strand of fire-red hair.

"I don't wanna be a red-head!!!" Findor yelled.

I could've sworn he was at the brink of tears.

"Hey, look at it this way… Red suits you more, isn't your release a lobster?" came Ggio's failed attempt at comfort.

"It's a CRAB!!!!" Findor yelled back.

"…Crabs are red…" Ggio pressed innocently.

A scream of frustration escaped the former blonds' lips as he buried his face in his hands.

"You are NOT _helping_!" I hissed at the boy besides me as I scrubbed Findor's long hair even harder.

I idly wondered if I was hurting him by yanking so hard on his hair, if I was he wasn't complaining.

Ggio sighed. "Ok, lets all just calm down-"

"I AM CALM!!!" We cut him off.

"No you are not! Screw this, I'm leaving!" the boy yelled as he turned towards the door.

"Oh no you're not!" I yelled grabbing his long braid and pulling him to the floor.

"This is your fault just as much as it is mine! You put the bucket on the door, that makes you an accomplice!" I continued.

"B-but, you forced me to do it!!!" he argued. "I didn't FORCE you to do anything!"

"You gave me that damn puppy look!"

Another scream of frustration came from our now red-headed comrade.

"Ok, whatever! Just get me some bleach or something!" I urged turning my attention back to my original task.

"But, we ARE in Bleach!" Ggio yelled in a desperate tone.

I rubbed my temples and took a deep breath.

"Not the manga, Ggio-kun. Bleach as in the detergent. Chlorine, Clorox, **chemical disinfectant**!!!" I spoke calmly before loosing my cool at the end due to my friend's stupidity.

Something in the fraccion's brain seemed to click into place.

"Oh BLEACH!"

"Yeah, bleach!!!" I snapped but before I could lounge myself at him he was out the door again.

I took another deep breath and turned back to Findor. He was in the exact same position I had left him in, only his expression showed that much more trauma.

I put my hands on his shoulders and gave them a good rub.

"Don't worry, I'm sure I can bleach your hair clean." In true I had no idea what the detergent would do to his hair but I wasn't telling him THAT.

"R-really?" he stuttered.

"Trust me." I reassured biting my lip and wrapping my arms around his neck.

He seemed to calm down as I rested my head on his shoulder and pressed my cheek to his.

Heh. 'Trust me' After this one he would never 'trust me' again.

I felt instantly guilty at the false hope I'd implied, but what else could I do?

Findor sighed and leaned back, a bit more relaxed. I kept scrubbing his hair but much more gently now that the stress in the room had eased up.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to hit you. I was getting back at Avirama." I explained when the tense silence got awkward and uneasy.

Findor turned to look at me. "Why?"

"Cause' he was picking on my fraccion, cause' he annoys the crap outta me, and cause' he's a parrot." I explained.

Findor raised and eyebrow but shrugged and turned around again.

A few more minutes passed and I was getting impatient.

"What the fuck is taking him so long? He better not have ran off or anything…" I muttered to myself as Ggio would not return.

"He probably just got lost again." The feminine man replied.

I just sighed.

"What is this stuff anyway?" He asked running a hand through his damp hair.

"Just a mix of some of Szayel-chan's chemicals." I replied uncaringly.

The room went cold. Findor was tense again.

After a long pause, He spoke in a calm voice.

"Where's Vega?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"Uh… They're not toxic." Was all I managed to say.

"WHERE'S VEGA?!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

"I don't know! But don't worry, it's no big deal!" I yelled.

"The Octava's poisons are all over me and it's no big deal?! Get them off!!! Ggio!!!!" He freaked scrubbing his body frantically with a wire brush my fraccions used to clean tough stains.

"They're not toxic!!!"

"I don't care!!!"

At that faithful moment Ggio stumbled through the doorway again carrying two gallons with tags that read 'BLEACH' and had Kurosaki Ichigo's face on them.

"I'm here!" he stated the obvious.

"Finally! Quickly, give me that!" Findor yelled snatching one of the bleach bottles and pouring it all over himself, still scrubbing frantically.

"Uuuh…?"

"Don't ask." I cut Ggio off.

"Dammit! Findor, stop pouring bleach all over your burns and stop tearing your flesh with the brush! They are NOT toxic!!!" I snapped snatching the blood-stained scrubber out of his hands.

"Damn Masochist." I muttered before throwing the thing behind me.

Half a second later, a deafening crash echoed through the bathroom, followed by and ripping sound and an ear-splitting scream.

I half turned to see my 10x10 ft. mirror shattered into a million pieces and Ggio plucking numerous crystals out of himself.

I mouthed the word 'Sorry' and turned back to scrubbing Findor's hair with the newly acquired detergent.

I scrubbed harder than before, and after a while the bright crimson color started to dim and discolor. My eyes widened with the joy of a thousand merry men.

"EUREKA!!!!" I cheered.

"Did it work?!" Ggio, who had been sulking in a corner, demanded.

I nodded erratically. "Hai!"

Findor took a disbelieving glance behind his shoulder and I showed him the pale-pink colored strand I held.

Hope flashed in his eyes as I dumped the remaining icy-smelling liquid on the rest of his hair and kept scrubbing away the crimson chemical.

After twenty minutes or so almost all of the redness was gone, leaving behind a pale pink color that reminded me of Szayel's hair.

Ggio had left and was now raiding my small freezer in victory.

I scrubbed still, trying to diminish the pink back to blond.

After a while of this I noticed it wasn't dimming out anymore.

All relief and hope suddenly faded and new fear rose inside of me.

I scrubbed harder then I ever did.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I hissed as it stayed the same color.

I yanked and scrubbed even harder.

"Hey!" Findor complained for the first time.

"Oh no!" I moaned falling to my knees and burying my face in my hands.

"What is it?!" Findor yelled shocked by my outburst.

I refused to look at him, I would either burst out laughing or go into a crying fit. I had no wish to do neither.

"Nikoto!" He demanded. I peeked at him through my fingers.

His expression was worried and his tussled pink hair was framing his face.

I suppressed a giggle and his expression changed from worry to confusion.

"What?"

I burst out laughing at that nonchalant question. His face flushed with anger.

"What is so funny?!" he yelled.

I just kept laughing, as much as I wanted to I couldn't stop.

Findor's cheeks got even redder before he snatched a piece of my shattered mirror.

I gasped, but it was too late he had already caught glimpse of this strange colored hair.

His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

"Findor, breathe. It's not that bad…… Hey, don't give me that look! …Findor-kun?"

"**AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"**

"What the fuck, bitch?!" he yelled pulling at his hair from the roots.

I was shocked. I had never heard Findor Carias use such explict insults.

"I-I'm sorry." was all I could manage.

"What did you DO?!" he yelled shaking my shoulders. He didn't wait for a response.

"Get it off!!!" he continued yelling in my face.

"It wont come off!!!" I yelled back.

I saw his eye twitch. "It better come off, you hear me?!" he yelled again.

"YOU HEAR ME?!" He shook me harder.

I had never seen Findor so angry in all my life, it scared me.

Even though I was an Espada and he was a mere fraccion, such behavior from the normally-composed blond frightened me.

"Ok, ok, stop yelling at me!!!" I screamed springing to my feet.

I ran to the sink to get some heavy-duty shampoo but along the way I slipped on a puddle of bleach that was spilled on the tiled floor.

"Gya!" I tried to catch myself by grabbing the sink's faucet.

I hit the ground with an audible THUMP as the faucet promptly snapped off, turning it's former home into a fountain.

Water showered the entire bathroom like a garden hose as I struggled to stop the gushing.

"Why me?!" I cried out as I failed to stop the newly-acquired water fountain.

"Forget that and help me!!!" Findor yelled.

"I cant just forget it so it can flood my bathroom! And stop yelling at me!!!" I yelled back.

"You can get Nova and Gaby to fix it later!"

"Shut the fuck up!!!"

"**Ggio!!!" **we yelled the last sentence together.

The next second Ggio Vega stumbled into the bathroom once more, though this time his mouth was stuffed with food.

"Wha- Holy shit!!!" he blurted once he met the chaos in the room.

"What the _fuck_ happened _here_?!" he asked gaping at Findor's pink hair, then at the pressured stream showering me.

"Not important! Help me stop this!" I screamed over the water's roar.

The pressure had gotten stronger, I might have broken a pipe trying to fix the sink… hehe stupid me.

"Forget that and get this _shit _off of me!!!" Findor yelled.

Ggio put a hand on his mouth, restraining laughter. Findor's expression was furious.

"Shut UP!!!" he yelled at his comrade.

"We'll get to that later, I don't wanna drown!!!" I yelled.

Ggio erupted with laughter while Findor and I resumed our yelling, after too much of this I stopped my childish argument only to realize that the room had flooded completely and the water reached up to my ankles.

My blood-shot eyes widened at the sight before a scream of rage and frustration ripped through my teeth.

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!!!" I chanted closing my eyes and putting my hands over my ears in an attempt to block out the fiasco.

Suddenly the bathroom door bolted open again.

"Nikoto-sama, are you okay?!" an all-too-familiar yell ripped through the air before my so-loyal-that-it's-almost-annoying fraccion darted into the room.

"Are you hurt?! What the-GAH!!!" Nova Schiffer yelled before slipping on the unexpectedly wet floor and slamming face-first into Ggio's back which sent them both hurdling towards the ground.

"Ack! What the fuck?! Nova, get off!!!" Ggio ranted.

Nova ignored him and ran straight towards me with wide eyes.

"Are you okay?! What happened?!" he demanded.

I was so happy he was here but had no idea where to start…

(10 minutes later)

"…AND…AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! HELP ME, NOVA!!!" I yelled all of that in one breath before hugging my stunned fraccion and burying my face in his chest, sobbing.

"I-It's okay, I'll fix it! Don't worry, Nikoto-sama… I'll fix everything for you!" Nova comforted me as he pulled my away from him to look at my face.

I smiled, for once glad of how ridiculously attached he was to me, but then for some god-forsaken reason the water pressure intensified even more, bashing into us and soaking us more.

My warm feelings melted automatically.

I screamed at the top of my lungs with utter most rage as I charged my blood-red Cero and threw it at the sink.

In a fraction of a second, the sink was gone as was the big mirror on top of it and the wall behind it.

The hole in the wall was monumental as was the amount of smoke coming out of it. Nova and I had multiple cuts from the debris.

Findor and Ggio had stopped their bickering due to the sudden explosion.

The room was frozen, I was shocked at the damage I had created in my little fit, so was everyone else.

Nova had unconsciously grabbed my shoulders to pull me back from potential danger and now held them tightly, Findor had his hands around Ggio's neck, apparently frozen in the act of strangling.

We stood there for a short amount of time until a new voice filled the silence.

"What in the seven hells is going on here?!" an outraged, familiar voice yelled as the pink-haired Espada entered the destroyed room.

My eyes lit up.

Salvation!

"Szayel-chan!!!" I cheered shrugging out of Nova's grip and throwing myself at the scientist.

I wrapped my arms around his chest and hugged him tightly.

My affectionate tackle knocked his breath out of him and sent him into a coughing fit.

"N-Nikoto!" he managed to cough out.

My arms constricted around him with pure glee.

I could hear nasty snaps and cracks coming from his body but I couldn't bring myself to let go, I was too happy to see him.

"Cant… breathe…" the pink-haired man choked out trying to push me away.

I gave him one final squeeze and let go of him.

He gasped for air loudly and leaned against the door frame for support, panting heavily.

I waited for him to compose himself.

"How… many times… must I ask you…not to do that?!" he yelled angrily between pants.

"Sowyyy… But I'm so glad you're here! You gotta help me!!!" I yelled jumping up and down like an eager five-year-old.

He sighed. "What did you do this time?"

Oh nooooooo! I had to explain it all over again!

I sighed in agony.

"Well, I took some of your stuff and-"

"That was YOU?!" Szayel cut me off.

I froze. "Uh… No."

"It WAS you! Have you any idea how many people I've accused and threatened?! Have you any idea how many precious hours of my life I've wasted searching for those chemicals?!" he yelled in my face.

I pouted. Everyone was getting mad at me today.

"O-oi! Don't yell at her-" Nova started but Szayel cut him off with a soul-breaking death glare.

"What did you do with them?!" He demanded.

I pointed at Findor's head innocently.

Szayel blinked. "…Um, okay?"

The next second I was on my knees hugging his legs.

"Oh please, please, PLEASE, Szayel-chan! You gotta help him! You gotta help _me_! I'm begging you!!!" I screamed.

Szayel was quiet for a second before answering.

"And why would I do that? You stole the substance in the first place, did you not?" He inquired in his smarty-smart-ass tone.

"Yes but-!"

"No buts." He cut me off, kicking me off and turning towards the door.

"No, wait! Szayel-sama!" Findor's voice rang out.

Szayel stopped dead in his tracks, shocked at the outburst, he turned on his heel to meet the fraccion's gaze.

Findor was bowing before him on the ground.

I blushed a bit and looked away from him, just so they wouldn't call me a perv.

"I'm begging you, Szayel Aporro-sama… Please, _please, _help me." Findor begged bowing his head as low as he could.

Szayel examined the man before him for a moment and then threw him a towel with a slightly disgusted expression.

Findor caught it and wrapped it around his waist, glaring at ME for some reason.

"What? I wasn't looking!" I defended myself.

"Well…" Szayel started. "I'm feeling awfully generous today, and the pink hair dilemma was completely Nikoto-baka's fault," I scowled at him. "I have decided to give you my help."

Findor looked like he was tearing up. "Arigatou, Szayel-sama!"

"Yea, yea, I'm amazing. That I know." Szayel dismissed as he turned towards me.

"What chemicals did you use?" he asked me.

"Weeeelllll… Phenoxythanol, Hydrogen Chloride, Glycol…"

(5 minutes later)

"And Hydroxyethylcellulose." I concluded.

Szayel was at the brink of tears. "All of that? Was it really necessary to waste all of those solutions?!" he yelled before composing himself again.

"Well what do we do then?" Ggio asked, speaking up after being silent for so long.

"How will it come out?" Findor asked.

Szayel put on his signature sadistic smirk. "I'm afraid the mix our dear Nikoto made with all of that is rather impossible to get rid of." he said in a mocking tone.

"Meaning?" I asked, a hard edge on my voice. Was he saying what I thought he was? He better not.

The Espada let out a low chuckle, "Meaning it's never coming off."

All of our jaws hit the ground.

"W-WHAT?! WHAT DO I DO THEN?!" Findor cried grabbing Szayel's pants.

The scientist pushed up his glasses. "Either get used to pink hair or shave your head and grow it out again."

"WHAT?!" I yelled.

Findor stood up and turned to look at me with murderous eyes.

"You _stupid whore_!!! This is all YOUR fault!!!" He yelled.

"I'm sorry… We can always try to dye it blond aga-"

"Not if you don't want to burn his scalp," Szayel interjected. "You see, the chemicals you mixed together were indeed harmless, but combined with other solutions, hair dye for example, they can cause a deadly reaction. You might kill him if you put anything else on his head." he explained.

Findor's glare was tearing at my very soul.

I mouthed the words 'I'm sorry' as his expression turned even more vicious.

Suddenley, out of nowhere, another of Barragan's fraccion, Charlotte Cuulhorn, busted into the room.

It all happened too fast.

One second, I hear Charlotte call me various insults and briefly yell at me for 'Ruining beautiful hair'

The next, his massive hand connects with my small face in a hard bitch slap.

The last thing I was aware of was Nova holding me and calling my name out frantically.

Then I blacked out.


End file.
